Quick Quip

Gary says "When I met my wife she looked like Kim Wilde. Twenty years on , she looks more like Marty Wilde".

Feeling My Age

There was a time, not so long ago, when, if one of the girls from work on a night out didn't want to be bothered by other men, they would ask me to dance with them or pretend to be their partner so that they wouldn't get chatted up by undesirables.
I've been asked by one of the new girls if I would pretend to be her Dad when we are out on Saturday for a works do to stop a fella coming over. I suddenly feel rather old...

Last Bus Home...

Overhead from some middle aged drunken scallies;
"Did you see that Tudors the other night?"
"I missed the end, what happened?'
"She got her head chopped off"

Made me laugh anyway.

Quip for the Day

Me, on serving four typical South Shields customers in a row;
"Who dropped a Sunshine Coach at the door?"

Smut

My little Polish pal at work, Monika, was instructing a punter on how to use their card in the chip and PIN machine "Push it a little deeper, sir".
"I bet you say that to all the boys, dear" Oh, how she blushed.

Table for One

I went out to a concert yesterday (Northern Synphonia performing Beethoven symphony number 5 at the Sage Gateshead, for those who care) on me tod - Mrs C decided she didn't want to come with me so I went on my own and decided to go for a meal beforehand - I was the only punter in the restaurant.
Now it's bad enough asking for a table for one (you may as well shout I HAVE NO FRIENDS!) but to have 3 staff stood at the bar staring at you whilst you eat... it don't half make you feel self conscious!

DOCTOR WHO (again)

I said to my missus a few weeks back (not that she listens to anything I say) that I thought David Tennant would leave at the end of this series - it's looking likely now innit? A good episode though, giving all the guest stars enough to do to warrant them actually being in there - much more than the five Doctors story ever did. Care to guess who else will die before the series is through?
I must admit I find these series finales too dark, and last weeks Turn Left story was even heavier still. I don't think I've watched any finale again since they've been broadcast, and looking back over the last series I'm not sure how many I'll be re-watching; and yet, I do actually enjoy the show. The gurning Tennant has been great fun, shouty Tate has been SO much better than I thought she'd be, but where does it go from here if Tennant leaves? A new Doctor and no new series next year? It'll be hard to pull off. Let's hope they manage it.

DOCTOR WHO the return of Rose

Why had Billie Piper stolen Ken Dodd's teeth?

Went to the local multiplex yesterday to see Prince Caspian ( the new Narnia film) only to be told it doesn't start until next week!
Had to put my sweeties back on the rack and slink away feeling like a right eejit....

My Missus has orange prepay on speed dial on her mobile. How lazy do you have to be to not want to dial 453?!!
She said `It's just easier - my balance on my phone on speed dial 2. Joanne's on speed dial 5...'
So where am I?
`You're on 9. It's alphabetical - 2 is b for balance. 5 is J for Joanne"
So how come I'm 9? Am I soon to be X husband?!!