Feeling My Age

There was a time, not so long ago, when, if one of the girls from work on a night out didn't want to be bothered by other men, they would ask me to dance with them or pretend to be their partner so that they wouldn't get chatted up by undesirables.
I've been asked by one of the new girls if I would pretend to be her Dad when we are out on Saturday for a works do to stop a fella coming over. I suddenly feel rather old...

Last Bus Home...

Overhead from some middle aged drunken scallies;
"Did you see that Tudors the other night?"
"I missed the end, what happened?'
"She got her head chopped off"

Made me laugh anyway.

Quip for the Day

Me, on serving four typical South Shields customers in a row;
"Who dropped a Sunshine Coach at the door?"

Smut

My little Polish pal at work, Monika, was instructing a punter on how to use their card in the chip and PIN machine "Push it a little deeper, sir".
"I bet you say that to all the boys, dear" Oh, how she blushed.

Table for One

I went out to a concert yesterday (Northern Synphonia performing Beethoven symphony number 5 at the Sage Gateshead, for those who care) on me tod - Mrs C decided she didn't want to come with me so I went on my own and decided to go for a meal beforehand - I was the only punter in the restaurant.
Now it's bad enough asking for a table for one (you may as well shout I HAVE NO FRIENDS!) but to have 3 staff stood at the bar staring at you whilst you eat... it don't half make you feel self conscious!